?雅思文：
因为我并非教育界人士，所以无法给你评分，但可以替你更正文章的错漏，希望会对你有所帮助。
Some people think that increasing business and
cultural contacts have a positive influence, and others think that it has a negative
effect to national identities. What is your opinion
正文:
I would admit (要加that) the contact between different
countries have risen rapidly, and whether it (加is) a good news for our(是us) human beings is
under discussion for it is really a complicated and significant problem in the coming
wave of globalization.
With the trend of frequently connect to each
other, the world exposed (a quiet应该是: quite a) new atmosphere for business or cultural development.
In this condition, countries show their own advantages and endeavor to make more
profits. As a result, (去掉a) work can be separate into small pieces(改为lots会更好, for example, we
will found a computer which (the) keyboard is是(was) made in China,
screen is(是was) made in Japan and with its Germany battery.
Without doubt, globalization seems play(是playing) a remarkable
role in the culture evolution, although we recognize that different nations possess
its(是their) particular culture(s), which anthropologists indicated “local knowledge”, we could
not deny (加that) it gives the harsh impacts to those developing countries.
The acculturation among countries and nations
may lead the (develop of cultural 应该是: development of culture 或 cultural development) into a new degree which (加would) board(是boarden) the understanding
of human, society and nature, and those views in special aspects other than domestic
scholars or even totally opposite theories make great controversies in scholars
is better to enrich the knowledge.
One big point we should not neglect is that
the unequal position between developed countries and developing counties, as I have
concerned, globalization definitely a harsh impact, which meant they should make
a proper balance in learning from others and inherent (加their) own traditions. Therefore
the national identities seem less referred, and what’s more, people are willing
to accept modern civilization and feel shame about our(改为their own) culture. Such as todays
China, a lot of teenagers abandoned those 5,000 years history and culture carelessly.
We are not living in a(an) isolated island and
theres no chance go(going) back into(要改为: to) thousand years ago when people just live in one
place (all 要改为: their entire) lifespan. After all, when facing (加with) the positive (changes benefits 要改为: benefit of changes) from the
intimate(intimately) associated with other communities worldwide, we wont forget our nationality and heritage from the(our) ancestors.
应该能得5.5左右。原因：1. 个人观点不明晰。只是在论述过程中体现了自己的一些论调。2. 论据不充分。没有具体地解释产生自己观点的原因。3. 汉语思维严重。4. 语法错误和词句运用错误严重。5. 分段不合理。通常雅思大作文分四段。
希望帮您
说实话，一看就是模板，好像还是十天里的，我想说如果你想拿6分或者更高，最好不要用模板，这是一个高手教我的，我让她给改了几篇文章，她提醒了我这一点，最后我改过来了，总算作文过了呵呵。
模板意味不能太浓，不然有些考官很反感的，就算你的句子还好，估计也拿不到6分，我没那么厉害，光从第一段是评不出你的水平的，但是我看到你的第一段我觉得是低于6分的，因为你用的是模板，词汇也不是很高级，所以～～～～～
个人觉得作文首先结构要清晰，这个你可以参考十天，我的意思是你可以按他的结构先写双方观点再提出自己观点，但是不要用那些句子，也就是在大结构确定的情况下你可以用不同的思路或者说小结构写你的文章，而且很多高手第一段也就是背景段是写的很长的，完全不是10天所谓1+1+2+1这种，当然前提是你的大思路大框架不能散，你的构架必须是逻辑性很强，很严密的。
近年来，出国留学可选择的专业越来越多，如果对自己在国内本科阶段所学的专业不满意，还可以在出国读研究生的时候转专业。出国留学中介指出：就留学英、美、澳、加等国家而言，转专业并不是难事，除了必须符合基本入学条件外，申请人只要给校方提供充分的材料来证明其具备申请该专业的潜质和学习能力，成功申请的机会就很大。 文科生出国留学，可选择转读的专业较多。本科学语言类的学生可以转学大众传媒、翻译、新闻、外语教育等专业;本科学文学、历史、哲学、社会学等专业的学生，可以转向新闻、会计、市场营销等方面。 理科生转专业要慎重 有不少理科专业的学生专业成绩非常不错，但纷纷以商科就业前景好为由选择商科专业，和中留学专家认为这不可取。因为大部分理科专业毕业的学生就业前景都相当不错，因此建议理科生，如果不是对原有专业特别不感兴趣，可以考虑继续在该专业深造，或者转的专业与原专业有一定关联。因为，这几年留学澳大利亚的中国学生中，起码有六成都选择读商科专业，这些学生在未来几年的就业竞争肯定激烈;而报读理科专业的学生相对较少，就业空间显然较大。
原创文章，作者：小雅，如若转载，请注明出处：https://www.tanglaohu.cn/6221.html
声明:本网站尊重并保护知识产权，根据《信息网络传播权保护条例》，如果我们转载的作品侵犯了您的权利,请在一个月内通知我们，邮箱：153055113@qq.com 我们会及时删除。
