雅思g类小作文

?雅思g类小作文：
　　Dear Sir./ Madam,

　　My name is Tom and I am a customer of your supermarket. Today I fell off the ladder while trying to reach a bottle of shampoo on the top shelf.

　　All the others were sold out, there was only one bottle left and it was put on the top shelf. I asked for help, but all the assistants were busy. Then I tried to get it by myself. It took me a long time to find a ladder. Even when i stood on the top of the ladder, the shampoo was still very hard to reach. The accident happened when I stood on the tip of my toes, I lost balance and fell off the ladder. some other bottles fell off and hit on my head as well.

　　After all happened, finally there was a shop assistant to help me out. Luckily, I only hurt my left foot ankle and the doctor said it will be fine in a couple of days.

　　I am a very loyal customer to your supermarket and I shop here everyday. But what happened today makes me very disappointed. What I suggest to do is to add more people during busy hours so that customers can be looked after when needed. Besides, I believe your supermarket needs to train your staff to improve their service quality as well. I am sure there were assistants saw me struggling reaching the bottle on the top shelf and nobody offered help.

　　I hope you could give this issue your immediate attention. Thank you for your time.

　　Yours Sincerely,

　　Tom

　　我认为axinaim9提的5点指正都非常准确。要想在高水准基础上进一步提高的话，我想主要应该在语言表达方式上能更上一层楼。

　　原文：i am writing to request your permission to start work one week later.

　　第一句的意思是one week later from now or from next monday当然当我读到第二句我猜到你实际要表达的意思是后者。但是这是正是第一句表达的不清晰，不完美之处。

　　改写：i am writing to request your permission to postpone my work starting date for one week.

　　原文：according to our contract signed last month, i am supposed to begin to work on next monday

　　你的雇佣合同里使用的一定是公历日期。你不知道老板读信的日期。在实际工作中，西方一般要使用公历日期以避免产生任何疑惑。

　　改写：according to our contract dated 3 july 2010, i shall commence working on 9 august 2010, or next monday.

　　原文：but i am afraid i could not start work on that day.

　　楼上已经指出的要用”start working”, 另一种改法是干脆把“work”去掉。”could not start” 和 “unable to start”可以换用，两者相比前者可以是主观原因也可以是客观原因，后者更强调客观。如果请假非常坚决，一定不能上班了最好用后者，如果还有商量的余地，最好用前者。与上面使用公历日期相对应的，第三句句尾的“day”要改成”date”。

　　改写：but i am afraid i am unable to start on that date.

　　原文：unfortunately, an accident happened to my litter brother yesterday morning. when i rushed to the hospital i found he was badly injured. whats worse, the troublemaker of the accident has run away.

　　就这封信的内容来说，我感觉“unfortunately”不必要，“when i rushed to the hospital”不必要，而其他的相关信息提供还不够多。读完第一句我不知道accident是什么accident，读到后面的troublemaker run away我猜想你实际要表达的是交通事故offender hit-and-run。好的英文要用精炼的语言介绍更多的细节。

　　改写：yesterday morning, my little brother was knocked off his pushbike in a hit-and-run road accident. he has got a fractured arm and a bruised leg. he is hospitalised and in stable condition.

　　原文：i need to take care of my brother for a few days and try my best to help the police find a witness of the accident.

　　你的老板的回信很可能会是这样的，“到底多严重？一个星期够了吗？别担心工作，你先去忙家事吧，一个月后要是确实忙完了再来上班吧。”如果你确实是只想请一个星期的假，这一段最好写上为什么你只请一个星期的假。

　　“help”the police 不是很地道。你不是帮助警察而是协助警察工作。建议改成”assist”。“witnesses” 建议用复数。 “find” 改 “finding”.

　　改写：i need to take care of my brother for a few days and try my best to assist police in finding witnesses. i believe by 16 august 2010, i would have settled these urgent domestic matters.

　　原文：as a consequence, i might not be able to start work on time.

　　这句话应该删掉。句子没错，但是从请假信的角度这句可能是最大的败笔，让老板搞不清楚你到底是能不能来工作。按澳洲劳工法，雇员每年十天的带薪carer’s leave 或每次两天的带薪compassionate leave 都是正当权益。真的出了这种事，雇主没有不准假的理由，何况你还不要求拿工资。

　　原文：i am deeply sorry for that.

　　”that”是什么？这句是段落的第一句话，尽量避免使用”that”。特别是上一段最后一句删掉后，建议在这里把后边表达清晰。

　　另外，建议把前句中的 “start work on time” 改为“start my job as scheduled”避免产生上班迟到的歧义。

　　改写：i am truly sorry for unable to start my job as scheduled.

　　原文：i would appreciate it very much if you could give me one more weeks time before starting work.

　　“one more week” 是什么意思？现在离合同开始有一周，还想再推迟一周？请一周假不够还希望两周？

　　改写：i would appreciate it very much if you could allow me postpone the job start for one week.

　　原文：thanks very much for your understanding and kindness help. i am looking forward to your reply.

　　“thanks very much”不是地道的用法。建议改成“thank you very much”

　　“kindness help”建议去掉 “help”。

　　改写：thank you very much for your understanding and kindness. i am looking forward to your reply.

　　主观臆断，请见谅。

　　顶格空行，现在老师都是这么建议的，我也觉得这样比较清晰！

　　就是每段都顶格，段落之间空行，如果你是A类的话，小、大作文都可以这么写的，而且牢记不要写标题！！！

　　如果是G类的话，小作文是书信，中间正文部分也可以这种格式，前后用书信格式就好！

　　你可以参考雅思备考页面：

　　http://ielts.hjenglish.com/list/6702/

　　参考资料： http://ielts.hjenglish.com

　　顶格空行

　　雅思写作G类小作文备考经验方法和技巧：

　　G类的小作文绝大多数都是以书信形式展开的，这一形式本身决定了它与A类小作文有着很大的区别。但仔细分析一下题目，基本万变不离其宗，下面以剑9的一道题目为例来进行题目分析。

　　You are working for a company. You need to take some time off work and want to ask your manager about this.

　　Write a letter to your manager. In your letter

　　Explain why you want to take time off work

　　Give details of the amount of time you need

　　Suggest how your work could be covered while you are away

　　首先，作文题目会给出一个情境，也就是要写这封信的事由和目的。紧接着，题目用小标题的形式给出了三个要求，也就是书信必须要讲清楚的三件事情，告诉大家要写什么。这样清晰的题目提出的方法，给审题降低了很大的难度，也为评分标准之一的“人物完成”减轻了很大的负担，因为大家只要就着这样的要求一一回应就可以，而非像A类图表题一样还要动很大脑筋去想该写什么内容才能最好地回应任务。

　　一段答一条，就这么简单!

　　条理清晰的问题提出方法，也为文章的结构指出了一条明路。大家只需要为题目中的目的介绍和三个条目分别安排一段即可。在顺序上，如果有进行自我介绍的要求(如果有，一般出现在三个条目的第一条)，就将自我介绍和写信目的写在第一段，将剩下两个条目分别写一段。

　　信件结构轻松搞定，现在来关心一下格式问题。首先，地址是不需要写。开头称谓顶格写，有时试卷会给出完整的称谓，有时只给出“Dear…”。如果没有给出称谓，我们采取的方案就是以下两种中的一种：根据情境的要求，如果完全不认识收信人，写上“Dear Sir/Madam”;如果认识收信人，就来给收信人编一个名字吧，例如“Dear Jack”“Dear Mr Green”等。注意称谓结束用一个逗号。主体段的各段都顶格写，每段之间空一行。落款的祝福有很多种写法，通用的方法是“Sincerely yours”顶格写，后面接逗号。而后空一行留下名字，同样，名字也给自己编一个，不要用真名，写个“Mary”啊“Tom”啊都可以。

　　充分想象，编剧你来当!

　　具体的内容上，请充分发挥自己的想象力，基于题目中的情形来设计一些细节。

　　下面拿剑6的一篇考官范文举例，看看好文章是怎样大摆龙门阵的：

　　Dear Mr. Smith,

　　I am your tenant from Flat 3 on Riverside Street. We met each other when I signed the rental agreement in your office.

　　I have lived here for months now and I am writing to complain about some of the furniture. As you may remember, the dining table is in very poor condition and has uneven legs. It also does not match the dining chairs as there are too low to be comfortable for a table of that height. When I first pointed this out to you, you agreed to provide a brand new dining set. However, you have not done so and I would really like to resolve this matter as soon as possible.

　　If it is more convenient for you, perhaps you could simply replace the table by finding one of a suitable height for the chairs. This would solve the problems without too much cost, so I hope you agree to this proposed solution.

　　Looking forward to hearing from you.

　　Yours sincerely,

　　M.M. Egil

　　作文解析

　　正文首段的地址和见面场景，以及第二段中对家具状况的细致说明，都让人感叹，这厮编得跟真的一样呢!仔细分析这是怎么做到的呢两个字：细节!细节出画面，画面出真实，请大家多多动用生活积累，开动脑筋，设计出合情合理的细节来。

　　看完了怎样写的方法论，接下去的一大挑战也许就是语言本身了。在这一条上，虽然网络有很多实用句型可以参考，但也还是希望大家提早准备，更多地注重语言基础而非考试技巧。毕竟，参加G类的雅思考试不仅是为了一个达标的分数，更是为了预备出国生活而进行的集中学习机会呢!

　　有的话你就写你看到的吧 ！ 写出事情的经过和你自己的观后感 添加些废话就ok了